Reflection on Cultural Differences: This is Russia, “Спасибо.”
From the gothic historical architecture of Saint Petersburg, which exudes grace and power and tells the story of Russia—the greatness, the mistakes, the reverence of Orthodox Christianity—to the mean-looking Russian guy with baggy trousers and a speedy walk, to a grandma carefully navigating the slippery icy sidewalk to avoid misstepping and falling over, to the sound of the subway trains that creak in, all tell the story of Saint Petersburg. It is the cultural headquarters of Russia, the Venice of Europe, and home to the second-largest museum in the world. Russia is big.
When you're a foreigner, you try to observe, to meditate, and to learn. While some can learn from hanging out with friends, for extroverts, others can learn from simply watching people in informal places, doing their things. I arrived in Russia on the 14th of September, 2022, and it's been a roller coaster. The first impression was good. An amazing woman at Moscow Domodedovo Mikhail Lomonosov Airport (DME), whose description I've forgotten, was patient. She checked my documents while we chatted.
African?: she asked.
Yes. Nigerian.” I replied.
I couldn't remember other things we said, but she stamped my passport with a smile as I went to check my luggage.
However, not even 30 minutes after the warm welcome I had received from the immigration woman, I encountered another angry, rude woman. She wanted to leave the airport and go outside, claiming that I was blocking the entrance. I couldn't understand her, but she was rude—very rude, I told myself.
My life in Russia has been amazingly wild. I had a different experience every other day. What I am used to in Nigeria became foreign, and what I would have had an utter disdain for if I were to be in Nigeria became a normal, perfect way of life. I really don't know what makes Russians Russians. I don't know their pattern of thinking or the psychological or historical experiences that have changed people's behavior. This article is to look at Russians through the eyes of an ambivert international student. The article will start by highlighting what I considered a good thing, and then I'll move to what repulses me.
Brutal honesty: If you're seeking white-and-black honesty about a thing or a person, you will get it in Russia. This isn't to say that all Russians are honest, but if you seek a genuine opinion about something, you'll have it.
“I’d rather deal with Russians than Americans,” a Nigerian friend told me. I wasn't expecting that statement from him, so I didn't know how to respond. He knew I didn't understand what he meant and that I had a question I was reluctant to ask. He volunteered further, “You know,” he added, “If a Russian doesn't like you, he or she will tell you. And if they like you, they'll also tell you. Americans aren't that way. They'd be laughing and smiling with you, even when they loathe your presence.”
I didn't know how to respond. First, it's a terrible generalization; I haven't lived in the United States, and I cannot confirm whether the characterization was right. Second, I haven't had close Russian friends, so I can't really tell. But as I lived with my roommates, I began to realize that my Nigerian friend was correct. Later on, I would go on to work in a school as an English teacher. That experience introduced me to a less competitive environment, mostly among university students. I began to interact with different people, mostly elders, and I was stunned by their honesty. Now, this level of uncoated truth-telling can be harmful to the weak at heart. Maybe Russia isn't really for the weak at heart; otherwise, how would you survive the competitiveness?
A stereotyped Russian student in the dorm told a foreign student, who has now graduated, that his food smells like shit. That was stupidity and foolishness. Yes, the student did say her mind because she disliked this foreign student, who is Vietnamese. That is demoralizing. That kind of comment has the possibility of triggering conflict. Of course, it did. That student has a strong dislike for foreigners, especially Asians and Africans. She makes racist, snarky comments towards international students.
I have also been a victim of such derogatory comments from a student who didn't know who I was.
At work, I have received both good and horrible remarks, but it seems to me—and I may not be wrong—that most of the horrible remarks were intended to be hurtful. Some of the good remarks came from the kids' parents, and the school administrators don't hesitate to tell me. On Teachers’ Day, the school accountant wrote to me, “In Russia, we say that someone is a teacher from Heaven. You're a teacher from Heaven, Daniel.” One of the kids, who is seven years old, told me, “Я люблю тебя, Дэниел.” Another told me, when I didn't give him a gift because he failed a task, “Damn it. Go to hell.” Truthfulness is good, but sometimes emotional intelligence is also good.
Holding a door: In Nigeria, holding a door for someone is a romantic gesture. It often comes from a guy to a lady. It was weird to me the first time a guy held a door for me. I looked at him like, “What the heck, dude?” But again and again, it kept happening. And I had to tell myself that, to Russians, holding a door may not be romantic or chivalry, but a courtesy extended by someone to another person, acknowledging their humanity. Men, women, irrespective of age, hold doors. And I've come to like it. Surprisingly, I have started holding doors for others. Such a dramatic shift. Funny.
But thinking about the practice of holding a door for people, irrespective of who they are, how they look, or where they're from, gives me a sense that inequality and animosity can be overcome and should be overcome when there's a commitment towards that.
Now, there are other things that I find very uncomfortable, and they were so different from what I've known all my life. These are a no-no for me. I've been in Russia since 2022 and cannot see myself accepting them. This article will highlight only one of them.
Smoking: In Nigeria, bad guys are known for smoking, or some guys without so much societal expectation from them. A smoker in Nigeria is among a certain in-group, attracting certain “You-are-not-wanted-here” sentiments from the outgroup. This culture, which does not really outlaw smoking but does not completely welcome it either, has also made its way into the film and music industry. Popular secular Nigerian musicians, years back, used smoking, as well as their music, as a sign of rebellion and protest against the repressive regimes in Nigeria. The current pop singers in Nigeria—not all of them—have taken on this culture of smoking, often emulated from American pop culture, mostly by male singers, and in some cases, as a sign of masculinity.
Russia is different. No smoking signs are often shown in places where people aren't meant to smoke, indirectly suggesting that it can be done in other places. In Russia, like in most developed countries, smoking is done by both men and women. Young people smoke. Old people smoke. The educated and the uneducated. I don't get it.
A Nigerian YouTuber who's a medical student was sharing an experience on her YouTube channel. According to her, this medical Nigerian YouTuber was in one of her classes, where their professor, a medical doctor, spent time talking about the negative effects of smoking. Only for this professor to finish teaching, leave the class, and light up her cigarette. This Nigerian student was stunned. She couldn't believe that the professor who knew—and had just finished speaking about—the effects of smoking on the internal human organs couldn't go even an hour before she lit up her cigarette. She couldn't understand it; neither did I.
There are other things that I really do not like, but I think they're beautiful, depending on who is doing them.
Public Display of Affection [PDA]: Love is good. Love is beautiful. It's magical. I love the idea of love. Love is also different, and so is how it's practiced. In Russia, love is sort of important for the public to see. In Nigeria, it's more inward. In Russia, lovers hug for a long time and kiss wherever they find themselves: in the train, on the street, in school. The Public Display of Affection, for me, is good when it's between married couples, but the idea for young lovers is funny to me. But what can I do? I'm in Russia, a beautiful country, with respectful people.
While there are differences in cultures and behavior, it's important to note that there are a lot of things that unite us together as people, members of the human race: it is the ability that we all possess to be kind. Most Russians are kind—not all of them—but there is always someone, somewhere, who is willing to help you. The person may not approach you immediately, or may not smile, because Russians hardly smile; but if you need someone who could help you with something and you ask, a Russian guy on the street, whom you didn't know, can become your buddy immediately. This shows that, irrespective of our differences, there's always something that binds us together. In this scenario, it's kindness.
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